Pinch of Joy… Handful of Pain

I don’t know where to start. Words are just too fast raging in my head; I can’t catch which is the one to clickon my keyboard.
It pains me so much that life really seems so unfair… ahhh... we all know that, it never was and never will be... I though appreciate how life gives me cool coincidences that happen to fall on me thought I believe it would have been better if someone else got it. I want to talk to Him but I’m afraid since I never talk to Him since the day I left. I thought I already learned from my mistakes, things that I have done. I have been looking too hard while the fact I don’t even know what I’m looking for. My eyes have deceived me in many ways. It had shown me things I want but never what I need. It bugs me seeing myself in this situation I cannot twist. Damn it.
I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Going to school??? Not my choice, Dad will knock my head if I won’t. Boxing??? Not as well, I don’t even train that hard but game is turning on my side. That’s one of the things that I love about life, surprising. I just love to dance around that elevated stage with ropes around it; it makes people clap and shout. I think they’re happy.
Looking back since childhood I think I’m immune to frustrations. Hahaha! But I still break, I guess I’m not… that makes me feel human though.
Life is full of uncertainty. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, in a month or after year. Future reaches us in a very different way. We respond to it how it comes and all the answers are all in front of our faces. We just need to use some knots of our intelligence to look for the best one. Like looking for a lady, love of our life… unfortunately I aint got one. Funny.
Life is Pinch of Joy… Handful of Pain and lots of hopes…

TWILIGHT? "Teenage vampire love story? Ahhh, get me outa here!"

I didn’t really have any interest in seeing this movie per se, but my friend and I ended up watching it anyway. Its not that I don’t like girly movies but I have my preference on these kind of movies. Teenage vampire love story? Ahhh, get me outa here! Honestly, I went in with very low expectations but it ended up being not as bad as I thought it would be. Guess what? I’m not gonna watch the first two though I liked the third one. Haha! I know its fantasy movie but I watched it like as if it is not eliminating that there are vampires and werewolves in the story.

The story begins with vampire fetishist Bella about to finish high school. She hopes her undead boyfriend Edward will give her immortality as a graduation gift; Edward hopes he can convince Bella to marry him before he vampirizes her, as he is old-fashioned and courtly. Meanwhile, Native American werewolf Jacob, the poor sap, still hopes Bella will forget the blood-sucker and choose him. I focused actually on the three main characters.. oh! I forgot, plus Bella‘s Dad. I love how Bella makes actual decisions like a real grown up would.

Bella, I admire her grown up attitude toward the two guys. She may look like bitching over the two guys but its not actually. She is just handling the two guys to avoid conflict on the two lover boys. The best part that I really like is how she went as far as she could just to handle Jacob’s childish tantrums. Damn, great that Edward is Edward looking at them kissing…

Edward, a teenage vampire who has a normal reaction when someone kisses your girlfriend without her permission or even is. That wouldn't be a very pleasant scenery. He maybe as cold as a stone or heartless but he is the matured guy of the two. I admire his being a gentleman. How he handles his temper. How placid he is and how well he uses his emotion in the right place.

Meanwhile… Jacob, he emerges as a furious, literally hot-blooded rival for Bella’s affection. When she insists that she's with Edward, he narrows those dagger eyebrows and basically says: “You love me — you just don't know it yet.” This is a little scary. Also kinda dumb saying: “You can love more than one person at a time.” Damn… Yes I believe that too Jacob. Love can come in many form as the stars in the sky though.

Of course, Dad isn't too crazy about Bella hanging out so much with Edward, and tries to push his daughter towards good old Jacob which means Jacob doesn't have a chance. No female chooses the guy her Dad likes, (ops! I‘m talking in US settting here, hehe!) it's the kiss of death, and not in a vampire kind of way. I love the awkwardly funny scene where Bella and her father discuss contraception. Especially when Bella said: "Dad, I’m a virgin." I like how her father reacted and obviously didn’t like to listen. Hahaha! It reminded me of my friend in Hawaii. They talk about it too!!! mother and daughter version!

Its very American and I would be very happy if a lot of youngsters today watched the movie just how I understood it or even better. Peace!

Igorot meets Igorot…

That was one week end I decided to go to this Made in Hawaii Fest to make some extra cash. The Festival’s product line include food, books, gifts, fashions, plants, art, crafts, produce and more. I am to sell fruit and vegies from a farm where I am an Agricultural Student Exchange; they call it. Time passed so fast that day. Everyone is so busy, smile here and there, give a good conversation and try to sell. Finally, there is this fellow who bought some stuff and was about to hand the money and I noticed a very familiar cloth that his wallet is made up of. I looked at him and he doesn’t seem to look like my suspicion... and doesnt seem to like talking... so with a little caution I said, “Nice wallet you got there, from Philippine right?”. Looked and stared, a little puzzled he asked, “Yes, how‘d you know?”.
“I am from there”, I replied.
“Really, what part”.
“Luzon…”
“Where in Luzon”
“Cordillera…”
“Where in Cordillera?”
“Mountain Province…” ‘Till we end up to Sagada where his wallet is from given to him by his grandma as a present. And from him I met the BIBAK Hawaii group and was able to play the gong with them. He is a local Filipino and only speaks English but knows a lot about his origin, in fact he plays the gong very well.

...she still lingers in my mind...

The wind gently taps on my window




over my small room..




the stars are abundant and shining so beautifully…




“Don’t be hurt too much”










...holding me tightly,










...caressing my heart…










“sleep well”










...they say to show concern…










...Even if it hurts so much to walk on…










...even if my eyes are filled with tears…










...I will keep smiling in front of the love I can never have…










...even for a moment of time we were together,










...I will treasure the memories within my heart…










...like the shining stars placed in the sky…forever…

GETTING OUT OF THE SHELL- my stupid crazy little bedtime story...

its almost 8pm on thursday evening hawaii time... this time i'm suppose to be drowning on my own sweat rolling with my friends but i didnt go. too lazy to go these days, just had my title match last friday though. but it doest seem to be the reason why i'm feeling like this. before my match i havent been training that much actually, didnt jog or anything... i just wanted to drop my wt then get wieghed and fight... i really never thought of getting the belt. all i wanted is to finish the job and get home take a shower and hope can sleep right away... for some reasons that i dont understand the favor went to me... i dont know if i am to feel happy that time, they handed the belt and thats it, i didnt even bother to wear it and take a pic. i just took it and handed it to my coach who is waiting very happy, more excited than me waiting on the side of the ring... went down and people are saying good job man, very nice, and all good things they could say... i just thanked them then headed to the back stage and changed. bagged my stuff and my so called belt and left to eat some food in mc donalds.

while i was there i was thinking about the most funny stupidest thing i've done in my life. damn... i feel good about it though... i call it a treat to myself that atleast after a decade i was able to talk to her before i left. said what i really longed to tell her... but but but, damn... its still stupidity... ok never mind... thats how life is anyway, make a mistake and learn from it! still funny... i really thought i was able to conquer myself
and face to face looking at her eyes told her that i really like her and i wanna work on it though i’m leaving half way around the world and be gone maybe for some time. she said few words though and i clearly understand that she knows there are a lot of things that could happen along the way and i know too anything could happen… and that we should not lock ourselves up especially me who is asking for a chance to her. i got that though… end bet is shes not waiting… but open to anything that would come along the way.
i promised that i would call her every week so i tried my best to call her every week and conversations went fine, just normal conversation… nothing much… well, we are nobody to each other… then came a time that not a single call was answered in a month and i just helped myself by saying maybe shes busy, school or something else… tried once in a while but not a single call can go through… she anwered one lately and i really wanted to tell her something but she asked me “didn’t u find anyone yet?”… and the question that came to my mind right away is, “did u?” but didn’t wait for an answer i don’t wanna hear it… i just told her, “u are always in my mind everyday” which is for some crazy reason that i don’t understand sometimes she just pop up in my mind and time seems to stop when it happens… and i diverted the conversation about her schooling, asked her if shes finishing and didn’t give definite answer… then we end up the call… but i know she really will graduate……… and suddenly shes engaged?????????????????? what??????? ??????????????????? then i came to think of a desperate move. called someone early in the morning that could give me a good info about her… she didn’t say much, she just told me shes with somebody… then i was thinking so if shes engaged then she must have been with the guy for long time??? and i said DAMN U ALVIN… u didn’t use that peanut brain of urs dog! if i am to remember it correctly she said be open to anything that could happen along the way which is i clearly understand… but there was one thing that i must have missed to stuck in my brain, she told me that guys are these and that and if they wanna play then lets get it on, lets play around… gurls can play around too… that’s not the exact words though but that the sense of it from my understanding if i got it correctly… and it just didn’t roll into my mind right away that moment coz maybe my emotion is at its height… and so that’s how stupid i was not asking her directly if shes with somebody or not… and did my my move!!! wrong move dog! don’t just rely on social networks… real lesson… this is not to justify my move but her friend asked me if i am courting her and one that made me a little sure that shes not with somnebody… well its just another lesson… one thing i could write on my dream book to write, “IDIOT’S GUIDE ON COURTING A LADY”

I remember one time that I cannot sleep and been calling a lot of people and came to think of calling her sister, we stumble on talking about her and she asked me, “R U courting her?” Yes I said… does she know? Of course, I told her…face to face, eye to eye… then she asked, so whats the rate? Pasado ba?(is it passing?) and I answered… 49%... then I laugh… not even half! we were laughing… and there is nothing to laugh about it now coz the possibility is far too less than .01%...

Unbreaking

Shattered into pieces
Forced to heal…

Realized affection
But so soon
Lost a chance
Cant go no further…

U came so sudden
But gone so quick
It begs the question
Were U there
Or its just a show
Was it ???? or just a feeling
Was it ???? or just healing
Healing from brokenness
Brokenness from the past
Just seeking for a place to hide…

Maybe its true love
The love of a figment
A figment of my mind…
But feels so real…
For this I do not regret
The time with you that I had spent…
No end is near…
Nothing to do now…
But go on…

the lakehouse-

Before I left home I have been watching this movie a lot of times. And now I’m afar but found a way to have a copy, I downloaded it actually. The Lake house is touching, well-acted, and beautiful looking film. Sandra Bullock and Keannu Reeves have great chemistry together and the supporting actors are very competent. The story is absorbing and interesting, and although its a time-travel fantasy, it's a little logical within the basic premise.
In Chicago, the lonely architect Alex Wyler has a troubled relationship with his father Simon Wyler. In 2004, he buys an old glass house in a lake, designed and built by his father, and he finds a message in his mailbox from the former tenant, the also lonely Dr. Kate Forster, asking to deliver her correspondence in an address downtown. Alex meets his brother Henry in Chicago and when they go to the address with Dr. Forster's correspondence, they find a building of luxury apartments under construction to be delivered eighteen months later. After some messages, Alex and Kate disclose that she is living in 2006 and Alex in 2004, they fall in love for each other and they try to find means to meet each other.
-baguio’s bad boy